new underwear

While travelling to office in the morning I was thinking about a lot of things like I always do...I was looking at school children, tired women, cracked heels and the afternoon sun. Amongst other things I was thinking how I needed to go an buy some new underwear.. mine were still in good shape, comfortable, no holes and not faded or discoloured but they were a year old...and I just thought I had to have new ones. Then suddenly another thought popped up...arent relationships like underwear? Like new underwears are crisper, you take more time to settle in with them, you keep them more carefully, you make sure they are washed carefully, you keep a tab on them for a while and then after a few washes they become just another underwear...of course some are still more special than the others but you are still take them for granted and expect them to be there in your drawers. You no more keep them wrappd in teh the bag you bought them in or keep them only for special ocassions....dont we all need new underwears in our relationships? When we take our partners for granted...they are comfortable, not torn, well-worn, not faded but they are just 'old'.....hmmmm.....sigh...maybe I should go shopping

pseudo-modernism

I just finished reading The Girld of Riyadh (thanks Neha for lending me the book). Its not the first book on the Islam or its people that I have read, its a subject that has always interested me. My friend told me this book was different. It was. An account of the lives of Saudi Arabia's velvet class, teh story of four young girls and their quest of finding love, happiness and their identity. I started reading with a sympathetic eye...poor girls - dominating men and no license to drive and I belong to the cosmopolitan Mumbai - wear lesser clothes, can drive, can go out alone, can fall in love.

Rajaa, the author of the book talks about her four friends and their lives where all but one are unsucessful because of some Saudi men who are keen to fall in love with these vivacious and outgoing women but prefer a wallflower to get married to. But that's the story here as well. I speak for myself and my life so maybe people who read this disagree with what I have to say. But inmy experience I have come across men, their dream girl is different from tehir ideal wife - Simple not evolved, loving not passionate, pretty not hot, educated not fiercely ambitious, selfless not independent, homely not wild, shy not outspoken, boring not a gypsy at heart, presentable not sexy, shy not over the top, knows to cook not to grind, makes babies and not endless love...we may call ourselves modern, the new generation, different from our parents - but listening to rock and sporting a Louis Vuitton doesn't chnage the minset. The difference between Mumbai and Riyadh is simple if you ask me - they acknowledge and believe in what tehy implement and live large within that but we under the guise of being 'cosmopolitan' still wear dhotis in our mind. I guess thats the difference between conviction and hypocrisy.

As is this

As posessive as death. As deadly as a secret. As destructive as a grapevine. As cold as an unloved heart. As loving as a puppy. As alive as life. As beautiful as the mirror. As honest as the soul. As cunning as the mind. As warm as a hug. As painful as distance. As guilty as envy. As elusive as a woman. As tempting as chocolate. As pure as making love. As absorbing as passion. As forgiving as a mother. As touching as friendship. As healthy as the morning sun. As wild as youth. As nonchalant as boredom. As reassuring as hands. As life-changing as birth. As maddening as money. As curious as a lover. As innocent as a virgin. As humble as poverty. As rich as desire. As liberating as an orgasm. As selfless as love. As unholy as infidelity. As precious as books. As sturdy as family. As old as tradition. As rooted as rituals. As baseless as rumours.

Untrue love

Untrue because I just feel love is so over-rated and is only a manifestation of the mind that we can choose to control. I think you just come in this world alone....ur partner is just a companion through the journey but u ALONE have to find your destinyand fulfil your purpose of life - so u come alone and leave this world alone. Love is just to fill the in-between void and again one must remember that there are so many different kinds of love and you can love so many different people at the same time.

Maybe not everyone would agree with what I have to say but it isn't true then why do people fight and expect things out of each other in a relationship.....in fact its the expectation that murders a relationship. If love was true why is no love unconditioal, why aren't we selfless? We are all innately selfish and hence we are all important to ourselves. The other person will be just that the OTHER person.

At this point my friend Simrath butts in - "Good thought but what about the implementation??"

Understanding the concept of "untrue love" will help in the implementation. This thought just makes understanding between two people better. We will be happy with our partners because we know that it is ME who is here for a purpose and all will fall into place. You will expect less from the other person and you will be easy on yourself in return. Its not a pessimistic attitude towards love....its a realistic one and I'm sure it is also the route to a happier relationship....I mean after all you do want to have a pleasant journey on your way to fulfilling your destiny. Who wants to be sitting with a boring grumpy partner when you have a long potholed journey ahead?

I want...

I want to hug my heart and cry. I want to eat all I want without feeling guilty or fat. I want to quit my job and travel the world. I want to have a one-night unattached, unemotional, uncommitted fling. I want buy a house on the beach. I want to get thin. I want a holiday. I want to sing for the whole world. I want to be famous. I want true love. I want to know about my past life. I want....later

My random state of mind

malice/ love/ tyrant/ posessive/ envy/ lust/ rules/ rebel/ blood/ divine/ me/ mine/ own/ free/ kill/ fly/ run/ wait/ meditate/ dance/ celebrate/ move/ sex/ steal/ coherent/anger/ why/break/ find/ ruin/ fuck/ desire/ hell/ crack/icecream/ hope/holiday/ cheat/ mix/fantasies/ hug/ violence/ kiss/mess/ forge/ kink/misery/one/illusion/ distance/ futile/ together/ college/ mind/alone/ live/ whole/ spirit/ joke/ eyes/dust/ god/ body/ miracle/ marriage/ work/ breasts/ opinion/ money/ slut/ boyfriends/ shoes/ garbage/ fun/ dark/ youth/ quick/ lie/ morbid/ hehehehe/ sing/ belly button/ mute/ dogs/ cosy/ sea/ men/ sun/ hands/ dervish/ drums/ sand/ hair/ ghungroo/ skirt/ blanket/ condom/ cell phone/ cry/ die/ rigid/ cold/ squeaky/ boho/ toe nails/ biryani/ exams/ guilt/ Goa/ clothes/ fever/ stop

Straight from the stink-pot in my new house

12: 30 am (late night) - 75% per cent vaastu friendly said my dad proudly today as we shift back to a familiar suburb and a brand new house. No paint and polish smells, thank god for that, but a fine white powdery dust follows us around the house. I am 24, adventurous only to a point where I can come back to my sweet messy room....I feel too old to accept a change in home especially within the same city....anyway, coming back to the stink pot...well, I sit here trying to rid myself of all the spicy restaurant biryani, maggi noodles and fried chaklis we ate today. But the bigger reason is that my new home is devoid of any electricity at the precise moment we decide to end a hard day with some dreamless sleep...we had it in the day, all running and perfect.

3:00 pm - We generously said no to the airconditioning, "being in such a high floor, so much breeze, no?"commented an aunty who had come over to help...while all of us proudly nodded in agreement...and cut to now...12:13 pm...my curtains that were earlier flirting with the wind seem to be in a deep slumber and nothing has moved....its dark, hot, uncomfortable, my laptop that kept me company for a few hours is now dying, cant save him, no power, so I savour his company in the loo which is a scary place to be in if its new and dark and you are still unfamiliar with the plumbing and not to mention - the proper place for the toilet paper....but as sleep eludes me frustration is rising...I try to think of all the self-help books I have read and think about 'meditating', 'switching off' the mind,'the power of the subconscious mind' but none help.

9:00 pm (just as the power trips) My parents fight as mum blames dad for this neligence...my sister is draining one phone battery after the other and I take this as the pefect sign to lose my temper. All of us are spending our first night in our new house in our separate rooms - angry, agitated,uncomfortable, home-sick and highly restless - If it wasnt for the near-perfect vaastu home, I wonder what else could've happened.